Alton are Gurgling Mad!
May 9, 2008 – 11:47 pm
Posted by Ewan
Alton Towers have once again made it into the paper, this time not for giving buy one get one free vouchers or for having a row with the neighbours, but for their rumoured new coaster, codenamed Project Big Gurgle which will be aimed towards the smallest of children from the age of 6 months!
Is this a good move on Alton’s part?
Right, let’s start from the beginning. I love Alton Towers, I always have done since being small when my folks would take us just for a nice day out! So before anyone leaves any bizarre coments, I shall warn you that I have a tendency to get controversial every so often and have a rant!
Personally, I think this is a stupid idea… there we go, finished! No only joking. I really do think it’s rather silly though. I’m sure a few of you are aware now that I have a 7 month old son and there is NO WAY on earth he would understand the thought of a rollercoaster! To second that, I wouldn’t even want to put him in a seat and let a machine take him away from me even if it is just for 60 seconds! He would scream the house down! Once more I would happily trust my life to a coaster but my son, and at that age? I don’t think it’s a good plan, especially if adults cannot board aswell.
Once again Merlin seem to have sort of got the wrong end of the stick with Alton Towers and dubbed it a family park. Yes, I agree it does cater for most visitors needs, but who is going to be the one who makes the decision to go there? For example, Let’s say a twelve year old visits Alton 2005 and 2006, he has a little sister of 2 years old. Kid asks Mum “whats new at Alton this year?” Mum says “a baby rollercoaster” kid says “no don’t wanna go” Mum says “ok” becuase after all the little girl isn’t going to argue, she can barely talk! They go elsewhere.
A 2 year old is not going to see a marketing campaign and beg their parents to visit! They’re barking up the wrong tree! Am I the only one who sees this? Yes I know Alton put Rita in a few years back but once again it still only has 5 coasters! Cedar Point has 17 and they cater for the kids much better than Alton, so I don’t know how anyone can turn around and say there is not enough for children to do!
It’s the thrill seekers who are short on stuff now! Merlin will destroy Alton! How can you take it’s “Thrilling” title away when it has 4 of the most extreme and innovative coasters in the UK? Hello… earth to Merlin! By all means go and install the kids rides but give the adults something else to do. (Don’t put another water ride in! Jesus you have to be mad to go on Battle Galleons, you get drenched. There will be about 6 weeks when it is a good time to go on that ride!) We all appreciate that planning is strict so do a hex and bring back the magic to Alton Towers, just don’t make it a place where nobody is pleased anymore. You can never please everyone, it’s just the way it is so at least please the people who have the biggest power to spend, adults! Not 2 year old children! Rant over!
Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away, well actually about 6 years ago was a Ewan who hated theme parks (yes I know!) But what do you guys think about the ‘bag carriers’ - the people who will look at a coaster, make a funny noise, swear at you and then tell you they’re not going on? Well I’m going to try and explain it from both sides. Having not been a coaster fan all my life I sort of understand what these people potentially go through but how it can all change in the drop of a hat.
But over all of these, the best way to get to a park if you’re not on a school trip is to drive with your car (or broomstick if you sway that way.) - For the passengers it’s a dream come true but as the driver, the route there is great but the way home is a pain in the left butt cheek! Non-drivers don’t seem to appreciate how exhausting a two hour drive is after a day at a park. The road becomes a wiggly roller coaster and cars become blobs of jelly floating along! Then the eyes shut! I will be the first to confess that I need to split my journey up when driving home, especially from Alton Towers. That drive to the motorway is EVIL! I find nothing helps better though, than a good dose of Pro Plus, Red Bull or Relentless and some good show tunes to sing along to! This is when my passengers start wishing they had taken the bus!
I’ve been to theme parks with lots of different people and each of them have a completely different outlook on the necessities for a day out. So what should you pack for a day at the theme park? I will start with the things that I would usually take with me, along with what I would wear:
I reported earlier about 
So we get sat down out of range and watched a few boats come down, but then we saw something strange. A family (mum, dad and the little one in a pushchair) are standing out of range watching like us, having a giggle at the wetness of all the people on the ride but then from nowhere it was as if Satan had possessed both of them for a split second and before the next boat hit the lift hill, they tightened the restraints in the pushchair and shoved it up to the edge of the pool in the centre of what Thorpe call the “Splash Zone.”
Let’s start with the good old wooden coaster.
On to the Steel Coasters
